I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
