maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
