I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
