You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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