My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
