i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
