The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
