im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
