I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize