Life is so much better after having sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize