I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i've created a new STD.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
