Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
