I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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