I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize