Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
