Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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