i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
