I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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