how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
