my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
