that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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