I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im holly from the hills drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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