Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
