Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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