His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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