If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
