Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
