no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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