We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
