that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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