..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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