I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
