How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
