Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
