Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
