we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
