Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
