you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
