This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize