I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
