I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
