she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
