So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
