i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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