I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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