Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
