You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
