Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
