maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
