ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
