Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
