I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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