so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
