I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize