Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this beer tastes like vomit already
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
