I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to fling myself into the sun
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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