not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
