Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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