sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
