I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
