better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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