so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
