She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
