literally had 100 drinks last night.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
