just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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