just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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