Slut skills are useful in every country.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
