I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
