I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
