Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
