mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
