Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
