Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
