i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
