i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
