Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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