Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize