Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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