Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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