Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found puke in my bra..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
