i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
