Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
