She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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