Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
