We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
