They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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