Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I deserve this hangover.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
