You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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