holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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