Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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