hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
