See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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