Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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