Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need a beard to bite.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
