I'm really into asian looking animals
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
