idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
