Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
