I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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