That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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