Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
time to smoke my breakfast
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
