she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
