ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
