I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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