I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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