can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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