I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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