I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize